The first time I saw a bidet was when I went to the Philippines to meet my wife for the first time.  I said I would never use one because I thought it would spray poo everywhere and make a nasty mess.

Later when I asked her to marry me, she said “yes” with one condition: I must get a bidet for our toilet.  I agreed, but said to myself that I would not be using it.

When I installed it, I decided that I would do “dry run” just to try it out.  That didn’t seem so bad, so I did a “live exercise” later.  To my surprise, there was no mess.  All I had to do was dry off with some toilet paper afterwards.  My days of wiping like a heathen were over!  

Once you try a bidet, I assure you that you will never go back to your barbarous practices again.