The Shirley God

We are told in the Bible that there are “gods many, and lords many” (1Co 8:5) and today is no exception.  There is a god that is being promoted in the world today and she goes by the name of Shirley.  Without realizing it, quite often many people profess to believe in and talk about this god named Shirley.  Many of you have probably come across this god when you are witnessing to others of the many aspects of the truth of God’s word. 

The Shirley god is a god that is in contradistinction to the God to the Bible.  The God of the Bible is a very particular stickler that wants His people to worship Him “in spirit and in truth” (Joh 4:24).  He commands His ministers to teach people to “observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you” (Mat 28:20) and for those people to “keep the ordinances, as I [the apostle Paul by the inspiration of God] delivered them to you” (1Co 11:2).  The Lord Jesus Christ wants us to do things His way by keeping His commandments.  The man that loves Jesus will keep His commandments (Joh 14:15) and those who do not keep His commandments are those who do not love Him (Joh 14:24). 

The goddess named Shirley that has become so prevalent in professing Christianity is not so.  Shirley is just the opposite; she is a respecter of man’s freewill and is pleased to let him do whatsoever he will.  Shirley has also given commandments, or a better term would be recommendations, but she views the keeping of them with much apathy.  She realizes that her commandments that were given so long ago were given based on the time period and culture of that day and that many of them do not apply to Christians today.  Shirley is more concerned with results, regardless of the means by which the results are obtained, whereas the God of the Bible wants to be sought “after the due order” (1Ch 15:13).  The disciple of Shirley might turn to a verse such as Jeremiah 44:16-17 to defend his adherence to the doctrine of Shirley, “As for the word that thou hast spoken unto us in the name of the LORD, we will not hearken unto thee.  But we will certainly do whatsoever thing goeth forth out of our own mouth…”

Let’s look at a few examples of the doctrine of God that contradict the doctrine of Shirley.  Around this time of year, many faithful Christians witness to others of the sinfulness of celebrating the satanic holyday of Halloween, only often to be contended with by the disciples of Shirley who will say “Shirley God doesn’t care if we dress our children up as witches, devils, and ghosts so that they can go out and trick or treat and have some harmless fun”.  There is some truth in their admission; that being that the goddess Shirley doesn’t care if Christians incorporate the satanic religion of the heathen in to her religion, but the God of the Bible shows that He does care about such things when He says things like, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?…Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you” (2Co 6:14,17), and “…if thou serve their gods, it will SURELY be a snare unto thee” (Exo 23:33).

In addition to Shirley not being the least bit concerned about her followers practicing the religions of the heathen, she also doesn’t see it necessary that they maintain a godly and biblical appearance.  It has been said, “Shirley God doesn’t care how long or how short our hair is.”  While Shirley thinks it meet for a man to have long hair and a woman to have short hair, if they so will; the God of the Bible thinks otherwise in that He devoted the first half 1 Corinthians 11 to that very topic.  God says “Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him?” (1Co 11:14).  Concerning the hair length of women, God says “For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered” (1Co 11:6).  What might this covering be, one might ask?  Just keep reading, “But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering” (1Co 11:15). 

Shirley doesn’t “sweat the small stuff” when it comes to the keeping of the ordinances of her religion either.  In the words of her apologists, “Shirley God doesn’t care if we keep the ordinance of foot washing that Jesus commanded.”  Once again, there is no argument concerning the fact that Shirley has one idea, but Jesus Christ has a much different one.  Jesus said “If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet.  For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you” (Joh 13:14-15). 

This last example is not at all surprising considering that the indications are that Shirley is a woman.  The Bible plainly declares that women cannot teach, hold positions of authority, or even speak in the church, “Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law.  And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church” (1Co 14:34-35), and “Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.  But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence” (1Ti 2:11-12).  When confronted with the clear teaching of the Bible, advocates of Shirley will retort with the usual, “Well Shirley God wouldn’t care if women speak, teach, or lead in the church because most of our churches are controlled by women.  The apostle Paul wrote that women were to be silent in the church because he was a male chauvinist and he did so because the men sat on one side of the church and the women sat on the other…and yada, yada, yada.”  Once again, it can be seen that the doctrine of God comes from the Word of God, but the doctrine of Shirley comes from emotions and man-made traditions.

If the noble reader has made it to the end of this little essay without being overly offended and tossing it in the trash, then let it be known that this essay was done in jest to point out the unscriptural and flawed thinking of many Christians by the use of a bit of sarcasm (which ridiculous doctrine sometimes merits, see 1Ki 18:27 and Pro 26:5).  SURELY you know that I don’t believe that many Christians serve a god named Shirley.  May the Christians who are in search of truth look diligently into the beliefs that they hold, and see whether they come from the Holy Scripture, or from the traditions and compromises of men.  If he continues to deny the plain words of scripture, just remember that SURELY God will judge His people (Heb 10:30).  But on the other hand, “SURELY… it shall be well with them that fear God…” (Ecc 8:12).