Preparing Your Kids for the Real World (Part 13) – Intellectual Development (Part C); Social Development; Kicking Them Out

Click here for the Entire Series and the Outline.

Click here for previous sermon.

1.      Establish a daily routine for your children.

1. Establishing a regular routine is very valuable for children.
2. It provides them with consistency, safety, and security.
3. This will make for a orderly, predictable life, not one of chaos.
4. This will foster an environment in which your children will develop intellectually.

2.      Teach them to read, and read to them.

1. Reading will open up the world to your child.
2. Reading will allow them to learn the word of God.
3. Reading will enable them to learn anything they want to.
4. Read to your children when they are young, and even after they can read themselves.
5. Auditory consumption of quality literature, especially when done as a family, helps with the child’s imagination and grasp of language (intonation, inflection, etc.).

3.      Teach them to value reading, learning, and social interaction over anti-social and intellectually destructive habits such as:

1. Smartphone addiction
2. Texting
3. So-called “social networking”
4. Playing video games
5. Watching TV

4.      Teach them to manage money.

1. Don’t give them an “allowance.”
2. Giving them an allowance teaches them an entitlement mindset.
3. They grow up expecting someone to just give them money when they want it.

iii.    This gives them no concept of earning money or the value of it.

1. Their “allowance” is getting to live in your house and eat your food.
2. Offer to pay them money for extra work they do around the house which is in addition to the chores.
3. Emphasize the importance of doing the job well.
4. Don’t pay them until it is done satisfactorily.
5. Supply their needs (food, clothing, etc.) and get them gifts on special occasions, but other than that, when they want something, make them work and save for it.
6. When they make money, or are given money as a gift, teach them how to manage it by:
7. Giving 10% of it to the Lord.
8. Saving 10% of it for the future.

iii.    Saving for a car, college (only for boys, and only if they want to go into a field for which it is absolutely required and it will pay off), a house, etc.

1. Creating a budget (when they get older).
2. If they want a smartphone and you think they are old enough to handle it, then make them work and save up the amount of the retail price of it and buy it outright, and then make them pay the monthly service fee.
3. If they want a car, make them save for it and buy it themselves.
4. See sermons on Money Management.

5.      Teach your boys to “think outside the box” when it comes to acquiring education or training for a career.

1992. This is 2018, not 1992.
1993. The days of getting a bachelor’s degree in anything, sending out resumes, and waiting by the phone for a company to hire you are over.
1994. Most bachelor’s degrees are worthless today.

iii.    In fact, they are worth much less than nothing because they are worth about (-$40,000) because of the debt one incurs obtaining them.

1. Remember, it’s never too late to drop out of college.
2. Teach your kids to be entrepreneurs.
3. This will teach them
4. The value of money and hard work.
5. How to satisfy consumer wants by providing a good or a service at a competitive price.
6. Encourage them to start their own kid-businesses when they are young such as:
7. Lawn mowing
8. Dog walking
9. Plant watering
10. Babysitting
11. Music coaching
12. Lego club
13. Face painting
14. Baked goods
15. Knitting or sewing homemade products
16. Lemonade stands
17. Raking leaves
18. Shoveling snow
19. Vending machines (gum ball, M&Ms, etc.)
20. Check out the Junior Money Makers Podcast to learn more about young entrepreneurship: juniormoneymakers.com.
21. Teach them to volunteer to train under a professional in a field they are interested in.
22. This is an old-fashioned apprenticeship.
23. Spending a few months as an unpaid apprentice of an expert in a field would be time and money well spent.
24. Search out cost effective non-traditional educations programs.
25. There are cheap online schools that will teach you how to be a computer programmer.
26. Code School is one such program that costs $29/month. – codeschool.com.

iii.    Skillshare is an online learning platform that offers thousands of courses on all kinds of things which only costs $15/month or $99/year. – www.skillshare.com.

1. Skip college and spend one year in Praxis interning with a startup company.
2. The program is composed of a six month pre-apprenticeship bootcamp and a guaranteed paid six month apprenticeship at a startup company.
3. You will make more working during the internship than the program costs.
4. The program costs $11,000.
5. The apprenticeship pays $14,000.

iii.    At the end of the internship you are guaranteed a job making at least $40,000 per year, and the average graduate is offered $50,000 per year.

1. They have a 98% success rate at placing graduates.
2. Check it out at discoverpraxis.com.

6.      Concluding remarks on intellectual development. There are limits to what can be accomplished by education.

1. No matter how qualified the teacher, nor how correct the method, nor how good the curriculum, a stubborn fool will not learn (Pro 1:7; Pro 17:16; Pro 27:22; Jer 17:23).
2. So beat that foolishness out of your children early! (Pro 22:15; Pro 13:24; Pro 19:18)
3. Education will not change peoples’ nature; only God can do that.
4. Education will not produce paradise on earth; only God will (2Pe 3:13).

II.    Social development

1.      Teach your kids how to talk and interact with adults and other children.

1. Teach them to shake hands firmly when they greet someone.
2. Teach them to make eye contact with people when they talk.
3. Teach them that face-to-face communication is preferable to writing, texting, or talking on the phone (2Jo 1:12; 3Jo 1:13-14).
4. Making enough, but not too much, eye contact during conversation is a skill that takes practice.
5. Teach them to smile when they greet someone.
6. Teach them to introduce themselves to strangers (in church, etc., not to random strangers).
7. Teach them to listen and pay attention when another person is speaking and not only care about what they themselves have to say (Php 2:3-4).
8. This involves eye-contact and active listening.
9. Teach them how to have a conversation, not just give one-word answers.
10. Teach them that in order to be interesting, they have to be interested.
11. Teach them that the younger they are, the less advice they should have to offer.
12. They have two ears and one mouth: teach them to use them proportionally (Jam 1:19).
13. Teach them how to tactfully express a disagreement (Pro 12:16; Pro 29:11).
14. Teach them when to keep silent and when to speak (Ecc 3:7).

2.      Teach them to be respectful of authority including:

1. Parents
2. Pastors
3. Police
4. Judges
5. Owners of private property
6. Adults in general
7. Also teach them that all authority is limited and to never submit to ungodly, immoral, or unethical orders (Act 5:29).

3.      Teach them manners, such as:

1. Addressing adults as Mr. and Mrs.
2. Saying please, thank you, no thank you, you’re welcome, etc.
3. Listening to and obeying adults that they or their parents know.
4. You should teach your children to obey an adult you or your children know when he or she tells them to quiet down or stop running inside a building, for example.
5. You should teach them to be respectful to adults.

iii.    If an adult tells them to settle down in a public area, you should teach them to obey him.

1. Never let your children backtalk an adult.
2. Teach them to obey him, and then if they think he was out of line to come and tell you about it.
3. Not interrupting when someone else is talking.
4. Children need to learn that they are not the most important beings in the universe.
5. Teach them to not interrupt adults when they are talking.

iii.    I recommend teaching them the following:

1. When they want something and you are talking to someone else, teach them to put their hand on your arm to get your attention.
2. You then will respond by putting your hand on their hand to let them know that you know that they are there and they need something.
3. When you have a chance, ask them what they want.
4. This will prevent them from interrupting, but will also make them know that they are important to you.
5. Eating: teach them to…
6. Sit quietly while eating (Pro 17:1) and speak in turn.
7. Ask to be excused from the dinner table before leaving.

iii.    Eat whatever is set before them without complaining.

1. Decline food politely.
2. Thank the cook for the food.
3. Be honest, but tactful, when asked what they thought of a meal.
4. Not burping and farting in public or around anyone outside of the immediate family.
5. Behaving in public: teach them to…
6. Not yell or scream in public.
7. Not run in public or inside buildings.

iii.    Not wander around a store or a restaurant.

1. Not grab things off of a shelf at a store.
2. Not beg for things at the store.
3. Not touch other people’s possessions such as their car, furniture, home decorations, etc.

4.      Teach them to share and not be selfish.

1. Teach them to take turns.
2. Teach them to not be bossy with other children and especially with adults.
3. Teach them to be kind, and encourage them to share with others.
4. But teach them that they do not have a right to someone else’s property and that another child is not obligated to share with them.

5.      Teach them to clean up after themselves, such as…

1. Making their bed.
2. Cleaning their room.
3. Have your kids give or throw away things that they don’t use or don’t need on a regular basis.
4. This will teach them to be neat and organized.
5. Washing their clothes.
6. There is no reason that a mother should be doing the laundry of teenagers.
7. Girls should be taught to do laundry at young age so that they are prepared for marriage.
8. Doing the dishes directly after dinner.
9. Teach them to not procrastinate and let dishes sit in the sink after a meal.
10. Assign children tasks that are done after each meal (clearing and wiping down the table, sweeping the floor, washing the dishes, etc.)

iii.    There is no reason that a mother of children should be doing all the cleanup after meals.

1. Wiping off the rim of the toilet after they use it (boys).
2. Putting the seat down as a courtesy to girls and women.

6.      Teach them to volunteer to help family, friends, brethren, or strangers that are in need of help.

1. Teach them to love to help out the brethren (1Co 16:15).
2. Teach them to be quick to volunteer to help a friend who is moving, working on a project at home, etc.
3. Teach them to be that friend that their friends always know they can count on.

III. Time to kick them out of the house

1. Once you have trained your children and prepared them for the real world, it’s time to give them the boot (especially boys).
2. Some young men, who are motivated and responsible, will need no prodding and will be eager to move out as soon as possible.
3. Some will need some encouragement.
4. A few will stick around and mooch off of you as long as you’ll let them.
5. Millennials today are living with their parents into their 20s and 30s at record rates.
6. Part of this is due to a poor job market.
7. Part of this is due to poor character which results in a poor work ethic and poor money management.

iii.    “At one point in time in America, living at home with mom and dad after crossing out of your teenage years and into your 20s was embarrassing and something that was generally avoided at all costs.  And while hard times come and go, 20-somethings who were forced back into their parents’ care worked their tails off until they could save up enough money to once again regain their freedom.  But, these days millennials seem to be embracing the free room and board provided by their parents.  According to a new study from the Census Bureau, roughly one-third of all millennials live at home with their parents and one-fourth of them can’t be bothered with enrolling in school or finding a job.” (Here’s How Much Retirees Are Spending To Support Their Adult Kids, www.zerohedge.com, 12-9-2017)

• “Parents could miss out on almost a quarter-million dollars in retirement savings by paying their adult kids’ expenses: According to NerdWallet analysis, a parent’s retirement savings could be $227,000 higher if they chose to save the money that would otherwise go to their child’s living expenses and tuition.
• “Parents paying college costs could be missing out on almost $80,000 in retirement savings: More than a quarter of parents of children 18 and older (28%) are paying or have paid for their adult children’s tuition or student loans. The average parent takes out $21,000 in loans for their child’s college education, but the hit to retirement savings is almost quadruple that amount.
• “Most adult children are living with their parents for more than a year after they turn 18: Almost 3 in 5 parents with kids 18 and older (59%) have had adult children living with them for more than a year; over 1 in 5 (23%) have had adult children living with them for more than five years. On average, these parents say the longest period of time they have had their adult children living with them is 4.5 years.
• “Parents expect their kids to help them financially during retirement: Almost a quarter of parents saving for retirement (23%) expect their children to provide financial support for them after they retire. Millennial parents are most likely to say this (44% vs. 25% of Generation X parents and 5% of baby boomer parents), despite saving more than parents from other generations.” (Here’s How Much Retirees Are Spending To Support Their Adult Kids, www.zerohedge.com, 12-9-2017)

1. If you have trained your boys well, they should be working through their teenage years and should have money saved to move out within a maximum of a couple of years after graduating high school.
2. I would encourage them to get out on their own and be completely financially independent at the earliest age possible.
3. I would allow my boys to live at home for two years after graduating high school if they were working hard and saving money, and for four years during the time they were attending college, as long as they were getting a degree in something I approved of which would be economically beneficial to them.
4. For my Christian girls that were Biblically minded and wanted to marry and be homemakers, I would allow them to live with me until they found a Christian man to marry and be their head and provider.
5. Encouraging or forcing them to move out and live on their own would only make it more difficult for them to submit to their future husbands and embrace the God-ordained role of homemaker.
6. While they were living at home, I would expect them to work (preferably from home, or running their own business) and save money to help get them in a good financial position when they marry.